Apostate begins as a reflection upon the experience of leaving my faith, followed by a series of portraits of ex-religious individuals and extracts from our conversations. 

After days of fever induced hallucinations, the church leaders came to pray for me, convinced I was being targeted by the devil.  

The site of my old Christian books, music and memorabilia store.

I worried about my syblings experiencing the same pain of leaving religion; the crippling doubt and fear of hell.


Trinity Church, Cheltenham

When they told me he had been saved after accidentally falling 70 feet, I quietly wondered why God left him paralysed

Hari Parekh, Ex-Hindu

“Leaving religion wasn’t really a decision at all, but a gradual, reluctant process – a blurring from belief to non-belief through a long and painful search for answers.”

Jordan Collver, Ex-Christian

Alexa Robertson, Ex-Catholic

Jordan Collver, Ex-Christian

Anonymous, Ex-Muslim

Jerina Begum, Ex-Muslim

“It took me years to alleviate unidentifiable feelings of guilt and a terrible inclination towards self-destruction, which I link back to the inadequacy that Catholicism placed within me, the feeling of encouraged self-sacrifice.”

Alexa Robertson, Ex-Catholic

Nick Ford, Ex-Jehovah’s Witness

Ian Clifford, Ex-Christian Pastor

“When I was 29 I faced the whole gay issue. I decided that I was gay, or bi, but that I would carry on with my vow of celibacy, which lasted 20 years. And I suppose then I became an adult, aged 42, I began to question what the church believes in. I’d ask my colleagues 'what will you do when a married gay couple comes to the church with children and want to become christian? Are you going to recommend they split up? Its going to become legal within the UK' and so on. I never got a concrete answer, but I could see all my friends getting married, and I started to feel lonely. You know, leadership is incredibly lonely. Within a commune of 60 or 70 people, there I am feeling alone...

...So I decided to leave. I had a meeting with 2 of the guys, who told me I was going straight to hell [laughs]. It took about a month to arrange the financial stuff, so I was still there with people knowing I was leaving. I left with the amount of money I gave in 20 years ago, no interest and no help other than that, and absolutely no idea what I was going to do. I went from living with 60 people to living on my own. I lost my job, I lost my house...”

Ian Clifford, Ex-Pastor

Anonymous, Ex-Muslim

Clive Areude, Ex-Eucharistic Minister